Permission to Complain: What the Psalms Do With Pain

You know something interesting?I've sat behind the same desk for over 30 years now.Not figuratively the same desk, but you get the idea.The same kind of work.And I've learned to hear something that most people miss.It's a sound.It's that sound a person makes when they're performing being okay.This happens so many times, I can't even list them all.They put a folder on my desk and they immediately say, hey, everything's fine, Ralph.I just need you to look at a couple things.And then I open up that folder and what's inside.I see numbers screaming at me.I see bills they're three months behind on.I see retirement accounts, drained, second mortgage they never told their spouse about.Clearly, everything is not fine.And it's not been fine for a very long time.But you notice something.They smiled and said the word fine because somebody taught them that the truth is rude.So here's why I'm going to tell you.On this Bible podcast, I hear the same sound in church every Sunday.I hear it in the lobby when people are drinking coffee.I hear it in the prayer request time.And I feel it in a woman who hasn't slept in nine days when she just says, oh, I just have an unspoken prayer.And I truly believe.We trained an entire generation of believers to walk into presence of God with a folder full of screaming numbers and just simply say, everything is fine.And then so many of us wonder why prayer feels fake.Well, guess what?It feels fake because it is fake.That's what we're going to talk about on today's show.Hey, friend.Welcome to Truth Unveil with Ralph.If this is the first time you join me, I just want to thank you for coming alongside here today.This is a show where we break down culture and compare it to truth in scripture.And if you're a returning guest, thanks for coming back again this week.My name is Ralph Estepp Jr. And I'm super glad you're here today.I'm an accountant by trade.I am not a preacher.I'm not trained in any of those things.But I am genuinely glad you're here.And I'm going to tell you something straight up.If you've been here before, if this is your returning visit, this episode is going to feel a little different to you.Because not long ago, on this very show, I said it boldly.I said, stop grumbling and choose gratitude.And I meant every word of it.And I would preach that again tomorrow and the next day.But that was only Half the truth.And today I want to share with you the other half.And this is the half that almost nobody preaches about.And I want to get real granular right now, because God inspired a hymnbook.And that hymn book, when you read it, when you really get into reading it, and I've done that over the past week.It is a list full of complaints.Not a couple complaints, not tucked in some corner hidden away.It's the largest single category in the book of Psalms is the Word lament.And God didn't just tolerate those prayers, he inspired them.He canonized them.He handed them to his people and said, hey, sing this.So here's the line.I want you caring for the next 30 minutes or so.You don't have to lie to God to worship him.And I want to say that again because it's so important that you understand that you don't have to lie to God to worship Him.See, that's the whole thing, friend.Let me tell you something right now.He can handle what's in the folder, because he's already read it.Well, let's get right into the book.On this show, you're going to find.I'm going to get right into Scripture.I want to read you two Psalms today, both all the way through.Gonna be a lot of scripture today.Because what we usually do with these is quote the good part, right?And we just skip the rest.We just talk about, oh, that makes me feel good.That's the part that's uplifting.But let's start first with Psalm 13.It's six verses.It's called the Song of David.I'm gonna read it directly to you.And it starts off with this.It says to the choirmaster a Psalm of David.And then it gets right into it.It says, how long, O Lord, will you forget me forever?How long will you hide your face from me?How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?Consider and answer me, O Lord, my God.Lift up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death.Lest my enemies say, I have prevailed over him.Lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.But I have trusted in your steadfast love.My heart shall rejoice in your salvation.I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.But I don't want to stop there.Let's go to Psalm 88, and I'm going to pause here for a second.If right now you're somewhere in the dark.I want you to hear this as a gift.This isn't a threat.I want to be very clear about that.But again, this is Psalm 88, verses 1 to 9.Again, a song, A psalm of the sons of Korah to the choir master, according to Mahathila.And I can't even pronounce this.But look, here's the deal.Go read it yourself.But this is what we're talking about.I hope I get this right.But this is what it says.It says, o Lord God, my salvation.I cry out day and night before you.Let my prayer come before you.Incline my ear to my cry, for my soul is full of troubles and my life draws near to Sheol.I am counted among those who go down to the pit.I am a man who has no strength like one set loose among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, like those whom you remember no more, for they are cut off from your hand.You have put me into the depths of the pit, in the regions dark and deep.Your wrath lies heavy upon me, and you overwhelm me with your waves.And then they use a word, salah.Now, I went and did a little research here.The word salah is a Hebrew word, and it's found in the Scripture.74 Times in the Bible, 71 times of those is in Psalms, and 3 times in Habakkuk.And here's what most biblical scholars believe.They believe it's a music or liturgical cue to pause, to reflect or lift up your voice in praise.And I want to.I wanted to share it because I thought it was really important, because that's.That's what we need to do.We need to praise that and think about the pit we're in.And we're praising that.But let me continue, because it goes on.It says, you have caused my companions to shun me.You have made me a horror to them.I am shut in so I cannot escape.My eyes grow dim through sorrow.Every day I call upon you, O Lord.I spread out my hands to you.Now, we could stop there, but I want to take it to the ending, because in a second, I'm going to tell you what's interesting about this ending.So we go to Psalm 88, chapters 1318, and it continues on.But I, O Lord, cry to you.In the morning, my prayer comes before you, O Lord, why do you cast my soul away?Why do you hide your face from me?Afflicted and close to death?From my youth up, I suffer your terrors.I Am helpless.Your wrath has swept over me.Your dreadful assaults destroy me.They surround me like a flood.All day long they close in on me.Together you have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me.My companions have become darkness.I just want to point something out here.As I studied this.That's the end of the psalm.That's it.There's nothing else there.There's no verse 19.Unlike most of the things we like to hear, the lights don't come back on here.That's where it ends.And the fact that it ends right there is the entire sermon for today.Because I want to say something bold here.We've learned to perform the word fine.That's a rule that nobody voted on.So I want to start with the diagnosis here.I honestly don't think most of us know how sick we really are, because we picked up a rule somewhere in modern church culture.Oh, I'm fine.Everything's great.But, friend, that's not anywhere in the Bible.Nobody voted on that.But everybody knows it.You've heard it yourself.A good Christian is a fine Christian.Are you a fine Christian right now?Just think about it.Somebody asks you how you're doing on a Sunday morning before you even have a half a second to decide to tell the truth or to protect the room, what do you say every time?I'm fine.I'm doing good.I'm blessed.I can't complain.And we say that like that.Last one is humility.It is a policy, though.And the problem with that policy is we carry it into the prayer closet with us and we talk to God like a man in the lobby whose last name we can't ever remember, but we see him on Sundays.And I'm not saying that people are being fake on purpose.That's not what I'm saying.I think we're obeying two things that we were taught.See, here's what we were taught.We were taught from the very beginning.Ages.Every kind of nursery rhyme always has a happy ending, doesn't it?And we truly believe that a testimony has to have an ending.You get the idea.It was bad, but God moved, so now it's good.And everybody stands up and applauses, and then we sit down and everybody's excited.And that structure is not wrong.There's plenty of times in our lives where things really do go that way because we have a God that loves us.But if your only story your church tells out loud is the one that got resolved, here's the problem.Think about that man in the ninth row, who's hoping for that resolution and stays quiet until his gets resolved.And it never does get resolved.Ever.And here's another lie we've been told.We've been told that honesty with God is disrespect.A woman once told me, and not so many words.She says, I don't want to say that to God, Ralph.That feels really ungrateful.Now, you and I would say, hey, she was raised right.She understands reverence for God.But she took to the way you address a stern man at the head of a dinner table, and she applied it to God our Father.And she's learned to pray about the thing without ever praying the thing that's really bothering her.You know what that prayer becomes?It's interesting.I work with a publicist and that prayer becomes a press release.Our prayers are not intended to be press releases.A man in a small group once prayed his own situation like this, and it stuck with me for years.This is exactly what he said.He said, lord, we just thank you for this season of stretching, and we know you're working all things together, and we just ask that you would give us wisdom in this time of transition.What does that even mean, season of stretching?What does that even mean?What does it mean to stretch a time of transition?Let me tell you about this guy.He'd lost his job 11 weeks earlier.His severance ran out in March.This was a man who couldn't pay his mortgage in April.And he wasn't lying.Exactly.Every word that he said was technically true.But that's what makes it a press release.A press release isn't a lie.But here's what it truly is.And I'm going to get a little graphic here.It's the truth with the blood wiped off of it.You can hand one to a stranger, but, friend, you can't hand one to your father and call it a relationship.Now, that person I've been talking about, that's me.I've been describing myself.I didn't lose my job.I didn't have a mortgage.I didn't pay.But I've been praying those same kind of prayers.So I'm not sitting here throwing rocks at you today.I'm describing myself.30 Years have made me very good at composure.People tell me all the time, ralph, I can't believe how much composure you have.Most of what a client pays me for is when that letter from the IRS shows up and they just don't know what to do.And I'm that one person in the building whose voice doesn't shake as I read it.And I've gotten really good at it.But then I brought that feeling home and I took it to church.And then I realized something as I was preparing for today, and God help me on this, I've taken into my prayer life when my praying gets smooth.When your praying gets smooth, That's a tell, my friend.It means I've stopped saying the actual thing.Now you might be sitting there going, okay, Ralph, I get it.I understand what you're saying.But what's the cost here?Why does it matter so much?Because I don't think we count it.Number one thing, prayer stops feeling real.So what happens?You stop doing it.One thing I've noticed in my life, you will not keep up a conversation where you can't be yourself.You can only perform for so long.And when your prayer life becomes that conversation you're unwilling to have with God, what happens?You drift.You get busy.You call it a dry season.What that really is is boredom.Wearing a nicer word.So that's the first thing.Second thing, it leads to isolation.The performance is aimed at every believer that you know.And the problem is they're performing right back to you.It's like.It's like a dance.Two people in the same row, both drowning in church, both drowning of emotions that are going around with them.Both saying, oh, I'm blessed today.Both of them assuming they're the only one.I see the same thing in my office.There are times when I've sat with a husband and wife.Both were terrified about money, but neither of them wanted to talk about it.This is exactly what I talk about on my new show.We just launched a new show, and I'm going to encourage you to check it out.It's called becoming financially confident.And we talk about issues just like this.We don't put the faith into it, but we talk about those money issues that are affecting so many people.But just go back to that couple again.Both of them have fears.Both of them have this overwhelm internalized inside of them, but both of them are hiding it from each other to protect the other person.They're living in the same house, living under the same weight in two separate rooms.And unfortunately, friend, that's what our modern churches look like today.It leads to isolation.Here's the third thing, and this one is massive.This is the one that keeps me up at night.Your kids are watching you.Your kids are learning what a Christian sounds like from you.Yeah, they Learn it from church, they learn it from Bible school, they learn it from their friends.But you know where they learn it most?From you.And when you're a Christian, that says fine.Then the first time their world caves in.And tell me you know this for a fact, your kids worlds are going to cave in sometimes.I've shared my story about eight.When I was eight, my world caved in.But if what they see is you just saying everything is fine, they're going to have two options in life.They're either going to say fine or they're going to say my parents lied to me, or they're going to say the truth and leave church because there's no value for them.And we're seeing it right now.Plenty of young people are leaving the church in droves because they felt they were lied to, because they were told everything is fine.And if you want to be a good Christian, you fold your hands, you say everything is fine and I'm blessed.And they don't feel that way.So that's the diagnosis.It's a dire position we're in.We've been trained to perform the word fine.But now let's get back to the book.Let's talk about what God actually put in his book.I want you to open the psalms and count something.Roughly a third of that book, a third of the book of Psalms is one big giant complaint.And depending on how you sort them, the word laments, which is complaints.They outnumber every other kind of psalm in there.You might be saying, okay, Ralph, what's your point?God was the one that wrote that God had the pen.God could have created 150 songs of unbroken praise.He could have done that.He chose it.I truly believe that scripture is inspired by God.He penned the scripture.Maybe he did it through a person, but it was the Holy Spirit that spoke to that person and made him write those words.He could have wrote a hymnal with no minor keys, no sadness, no missing verse 19 like I talked about before.But he chose not to do that.In fact, he gave them permission in writing Forever to lament.He gave us all permission to bring him the folder with the screaming numbers in it.Let's talk about Psalm 13.I think it's the most useful six verses in the Bible.I talked a little bit about earlier.When you don't know how to pray in pain, let's read Psalm 13:1 together.It says this.How long, O Lord, will you forget me?Forever.Forever.How long will you hide your face from me and Then we go into verse two.How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart?All the day?How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?I want you to count something there.There are four.How longs in two verses, four of them.I want to give you an analogy of this.Picture a man hammering the same nail because the nail will not go in.And notice the accusation.This is what this psalmist is saying.God has forgotten me.God is hiding his face from me, not saying, I feel a little distant lately, God, like you're not the friend I used to have.You're hiding from me, you've turned away from me.And God, I want to know how long you intend to keep it up.That's in the Bible, my friend.A man says to God, you forgot me.And God said, put that in the hymnal.But then let's get to the middle verses 3 and 4 again.Psalms 13.3.Consider and answer me, O Lord, my God, lift up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death.What's the psalmist saying here?He's asking something specifically.He says to God, light up my eyes.Look at me, God, answer me.See if you've got a complaint.That never becomes a request.You know what?That curdles into cynicism.But David doesn't just stop at the accusation.He asks God to act.Let's look at verse 5.Psalm 13, verse 5.But I have trusted you in your steadfast love.My heart shall rejoice in your salvation.I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.And here's the part that most preachers miss.Nothing changed here.If you read verse four and five back to back, the enemy's still there, the deep sorrow is still there, and God still hasn't answered.What changed was what he pulled out of his memory.And he uses the word, your steadfast love.Now, in Hebrew, there's a word that says, and it's H E S E D. And here's what it means.I got into the actual Hebrew word.It means steadfast, loyal love and deep kindness that is put into action within a committed relationship.And I think we really need to focus on that.It was God's covenant, loyalty, God's refusal to quit on his people.So as David is feeling all this lament, as he's feeling all these complaints, he's able to reach past his feelings.He's able to reach past his circumstances, past what he feels today, and grab onto the character of God.But you notice what he doesn't say.He doesn't say, I feel better.He says, I have trusted past tense.And it's a fact that he's standing on, not a mood that he's riding.So right there is the structure.Address God, tell him the truth.Ask for something specific, but remember who he is.Just four moves.And if you've never learned how to pray in the dark, this is how.Six verses.But I'd be lying if I stopped here, because then I would have handed you a technique.Four easy steps, and you get your verse five.And the first time it doesn't come true.You know what you're going to think?You're going to think, ralph, that machine is broken.Or worse, that you're broken.So let's go Back to Psalm 88.This is the darkest thing in the Bible.And it's not because a man walked away from God.Let's go Back to Psalm 88, verse 1.O Lord God, of my salvation, I cry out day and night before you.Just picture what this is.This is a believer, maybe a worship leader.Actually, it was a worship leader.He man, the Ezrite, a temple musician, a man on the staff.And what does he tell us?He says, God put me in the pit.Says it right here.Psalm 88.6.You have put me in the depths of the pit.And then we go to verse 13.But I, O Lord, cry to you in the morning, My prayer comes before you.There it is.Catch this.But I.This is the same words as Psalm 13, verse 5.He comes to turn.Here comes the turn.And it doesn't come until verse 14.This is what it says.Psalm 88:14.Oh, Lord, why do you cast my soul away?Why do you hide your face from me?And it ends here in Psalm 88:18.Remember, we're looking for verse 19.It doesn't exist.But Psalm 88:18 says, you have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me.My companions have become darkness.Now that's the ESV Bible.Other renders, the other rendering versions.That last line, they say, darkest is my closest friend.You may have heard that before.Darkest is my closest friend.Either way, the last word of that psalm in the Hebrew is darkness.That's amazing when you think about it, because all of us think about the Bible being this big uplifting book.Well, guess what, friend?It's not.So now a question that's changed how I read my Bible.And it's a question you've got to ask yourself.Why did God put that in There, because we have to agree on something.God is the editor of the Bible.Can we agree to that?And he's had every chance to attach a resolution to that.He could have added one more verse or just.Or three more words.Maybe he could have said, but God is faithful, and just fixed it.But he didn't fix it.He left a room in the book with no window in it.Complete darkness.And I've come to believe that he did it on purpose.And this is one of the kindest things in Scripture.And, friend, right now, if you're in that room tonight, you're not outside of the Bible.You're in it.See, there's a page with your name on it.And the lights are off in it, too.And God didn't throw it out.See, somebody had to write that psalm.And when it came up in the rotation, think about it.Israel stood and sang a song that does not end well.And they sang it out loud.They sang it together, and it was worship.Can you imagine a church that could do that?Can you imagine going into a church and hearing a song that ends in darkness?So here's the truth I came to give you today.Lament is not the absence of faith.Lament is, in fact, an act of faith.And I think you got to embrace that.Think about who you complain to.Most of us don't complain to a wall.That wall is not going to help you.We don't complain to a company that went out of business.We complain to someone you believe is listening and able to act.This is Ralph talking now.You know, I complained to.I complained to my wife.Can you believe this?You will not believe this.I complain to my kids.I complain to the people that I love.I complain to my friends.I complain to my employees.I complain to people I value and trust.You probably do the same thing every.How long, O Lord, that we think about is a confession of faith.Wearing work clothes.The man who accuses God of hiding his face still believes that God has a face because he wouldn't bother if he didn't think God was ahead of face.And that is what matters, where it's pointed.See, so many people get stuck on this.The opposite of faith is not complaint.It's silence.It's deciding to walk away.And so many people, so many believers have decided that because they've decided it's not worth talking about, it's not worth talking to anymore.Because he's either not there or he doesn't care.And I don't know about you, but I'D rather sit with a man furious at God than one that's gone completely, completely quiet.Because the furious man, the person that's still willing to fight, the person still willing to call out to God, is still in the conversation.But I'm going to make it a little deeper.I want to go right to Jesus.Think about this for a second.Jesus is on the cross.If you're a Christian, you accept it.He went to the cross.It's the ninth hour.Just think about this.He's been up there for six hours with his hands and his feet nailed to a cross.Three of those hours with darkness over the whole land.And he opens his mouth for the very last time.And what does he say?I'm going to go to Matthew 27, verses 45 and 46.And this is what it says.It says, now, from the sixth hour, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour.That's three hours of complete darkness.And about the ninth hour, Jesus cried out with a loud voice saying, eli, Eli, lema sabachani.And I probably butchered that.I apologize.But this is what he said.My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?Those are the last words that Jesus spoke.But what's interesting is he didn't make that line up.You know what he was quoting?Go look at Psalm 22, verses 1 and 2.It says this.My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?Why are you so far from saving me from the words of my groaning, oh, my God, I cry day by day, but you do not answer.And by night, but I find no rest.Just think about this for a second.This is the Son of God dying for you.And I reached for a lament, reached for a complaint.He had the entire Old Testament to pick from.He could have quoted a promise.He could have quoted a psalm of victory because he was being victorious.He was about to accomplish the greatest thing that has ever happened, and he knew it.And what came out of his mouth was a complaint out of the old hymnbook.See, he had learned that song as a boy, some synagogue in Nazareth as a kid, because Jesus was a child at some point, he was human and God at the same time.He learned that some the way kids learn those things.And when the very worst hour in history came when he died on that cross for you and I, that's what came out.So don't let anybody ever tell you again, don't let anybody ever tell you that bringing your pain to God is beneath a mature believer.It is what the definition of a mature believer is the most mature believer who ever lived, used a lament as his dying words.My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?Now, none of us are going to go to the cross.None of us are going to be in that same position.But we're going to face a Tuesday.So I got to get a little practical.Because I'm an accountant, I get practical.I can't help it.I want you to get alone sometime today and I want you to say one true sentence.Not a prayer, just a sentence.And I want you to say it out loud, if you can.And you might be like, wait a minute, where are you going with this, Ralph?Here's what I want you to say.God, I'm angry and I don't know if you're listening.Maybe this one.God, I've been pretending for two years.Maybe this one.God, this is the third Christmas and it still hurts exactly the same as it did the first one.Now you're gonna feel like the world should cave in on you because you've been lied to your entire life.Oh, my God, you can't say that about God.You can't scream out and be angry at God.Let me promise you, friend, it's not going to happen.He's heard worse from better men than you and I, and he wrote it down in the hymnal and made his people sing it.I want to go back to David because I think David nailed something.What I call the four moves.This is what David.He addressed it, he complained it, he asked it, and he remembered it.It's okay to say, God, I'm going to say to your name, tell him what's wrong in the words that you would use with a friend in a truck at 11 o' clock at night.And then ask for something specific enough that you would know if he did it.Then if you can remember something true about him.And here's the pastoral part.I want you to hear me on this.If you can't get to the fourth one, you haven't failed.Remember what I said.Psalm 88.Never got there.There are some nights the prayer is just three moves and then you go to bed.A whole prayer in the canon.Let me ask you right now, have you ever had one of those nights yourself where you just wanted to shout out to God and you just don't understand any of it and you're like, God, I don't get it.I'm going to tell you right now, I've had many of those.And I'm sure you have as well.But notice what Haman did do.Let me get back to the psalm here.In Psalm 88.9 He says, Every day I call upon you, O Lord.And then in 88:13 he says, in the morning my prayer comes before you.What is this telling us?He didn't give up.He came back.He didn't hear an answer from God.He was pouring it out.God, when are you going to answer me?When are you going to show me your face?When are you going to resolve this?But you know what he did?He came back every morning.Any sometimes, friend, that's all you got.Sometimes all you got is coming back tomorrow with nothing new to say.That's not the lack of faith, that's the demonstration of faith.Yes, it's stubborn, it's unglamorous, but that's load bearing faith.And I'm going to tell you something right now.I truly believe this, that God sees that.But I want to give you one more practical thing and I want you to write it down.And I know what you're saying, Ralph.Everything you tell us, you tell us to write it down.But a pen won't let you get away with the press release version.Just go get a cheap notebook, put the date on the page, and I want you to write one honest thing.Nobody has to read it.Hey, you can burn it when you're done if you want, but you're going to be shocked what comes out of your hand that never came out of your mouth.Somebody listening right now has a friend or somebody they know who's in Psalm 88.They're in that dark place and you've been trying to get them to verse five for six months and it's not working.You're getting frustrated and maybe you're actually a little scared for where they're at.And here's what I've learned, mostly because I do things wrong.I shared with this last week.I'm a fixer.When a mess lands on my desk, I hand it back to somebody organized.I got 30 years of doing that.That instinct may be useful with a balance sheet, but it makes me useless with a grieving man.Because when I hear somebody talking about grieving, I hear somebody suffering.I hear somebody that's in a pit in darkness, my mind, I'm already building a plan.And you know what I figured out?That person that's talking to me, he can tell.And I still get it wrong here.And I've had to learn something really hard.That person's not ready to hear the verse yet.Yeah, that verse is true.It's a good verse, and it might very well be the one thing that puts them back together someday.But a true verse at the wrong hour lands like a door closing.It tells them we're done with the part where we talk.Just think about Job's friends.We beat those men up and they earned it.But look at what they did first.Seven days on the ground with him, nobody saying a word.It went wrong the minute they started explaining his suffering to him.So if you find yourself, and you find yourself knowing somebody in Psalm 88 right now, here's what I'm going to encourage you to stay and said.And it's really short.You can't be a fixer.I'm going to give you a couple things you can say.Number one thing that's terrible.That's what they want to hear.They just want to hear.They want to hear you say, that's terrible and just stop talking.Or maybe you say to them, I am so sorry.You know the best thing you can say to them?I'm not going anywhere.And then stop talking.And yes, it's going to feel uncomfortable, but let that silence be uncomfortable, because that.That discomfort you're feeling is your natural desire.You're wanting to fix something, that you can stop feeling that pain on your side.Well, even when you're feeling that, sit there anyway, because that's what this ministry is all about.Maybe when somebody's in the dark, bring them some food, show up on that bad anniversary everybody else forgot.Maybe, you know, somebody lost a child or lost a parent or a sibling.Maybe text them a random on a random Thursday with just, hey, I was thinking about you today.No questions, just hey, just thinking about you today.No need to reply.That's what Psalm 88, friendship looks like.You're there.So it's not singing and alone.That's the whole point of this.And I want to say one more thing here carefully, because it matters.If you're in the dark and it's not lifting and you're starting to think that people you love would be better off without you, please stop listening to me and tell a live human being out loud today how you're feeling.Tell your spouse, tell your pastor, tell a doctor.You need to talk to somebody who loves you and can look you in the face.I'm not the right kind of help for that, and I'm not going to pretend to be that.But God did not design you to carry that in a locked room.And Reaching for help is not a failure of faith.It is Psalm 88, verse 1, crying out loud to somebody.Now, I want to talk about what this looks like in your marriage, or maybe with a partner, with a friend.Just think about this.The performance that happens between two people who share a bathroom.You know, my wife and I go through this all the time.How was your day?What did we both say?It was fine.20 Years of that and you got two strangers with a shared mortgage.We're roommates.I'm not talking about dumping every single anxiety that you feel in your spouse every night.That's not cool either.Some of that's just being grown up.But I'm talking about that reflex, that automatic feeling of, fine.I want to share something with you as I record this today, celebrating my 26th wedding anniversary.So guess what?I feel this more than I think a lot of people, because today's a special day for us.I want you to try this.Just one honest sentence a day.Not some big conversation, not some summit meeting, not some one sentence.Say this to your partner.When they say, how you doing?You know what you're going to say to them.I felt like a failure at work today.They're going to look at you like, what did you say?What, you're not fine?No, I'm not fine.Or maybe say, I'm scared about what's going on with my mother.I'm not fine.Or maybe you say this, and this is a tough one.I've not felt close to God in about four months, and I didn't want to say it to another human being.But now the hard part, and this is on the listener.This is the person that's reflecting back.This isn't the talker.When your spouse or your partner says the true thing, don't fix it.Hear me on this.Don't fix it.I've tried to fix this way too many times in my marriage.Instead, what I'm encouraging you to say is, tell me more about that.Zip up your mouth.So I've had to learn this on my own.The kitchen table, 26 years of this, and let me tell you right now, I've not mastered it.I'm not great at it.My wife will tell you I'm not great at this.That reflex that so many of us have has cost me so many good conversations that I want to admit.But here's the truth.When two people stop performing at each other, the house stops being a stage.You stop having to be okay before you're allowed in the door.That is the closest thing to church most people ever get.And if you've got kids in that house, or grandkids.I have my grandson now.I'm so excited about that.Those kids and grandkids are going to learn how honest they can be with God by watching you.By watching how honest you are at your own table.And if they never hear you say a hard thing in your own kitchen, they're going to assume something.They're going to assume that Christians don't have hard things and that they're not Christians the first time they have a hard thing.One more thing, and this is one for that specific person.If you've been faking it for years, I'm not talking about months.I'm talking about years.You know the songs.You raise your hand at the right part in church and somebody in your church would call you a strong believer and you would give anything to know what that felt like.I want to give you permission today.And this isn't my permission.Mine's not worth anything.This is permission signed by God and a hymn he kept 3,000 years so that on a Tuesday in your car, you would find out you're not the first one.Friend, you can stop.You can put that folder on the desk and open it, because like I said earlier, he's already read it and he's ready to hear from you.Now.I want to get quiet for a minute.Just a minute.Wherever you are right now, maybe you're in your car, you're in the kitchen, wherever it is.When's the last time you told God something you've not told a person?When's the last time you prayed and it was not in your church voice?We all have these prayerful church voices.We're gonna say it a certain way.Here's the harder one.Is there something you're not saying to God because some part of you is afraid of what he will think of you for feeling it?Now, don't answer that fast, but think about this today.What's the thing?Is it that you're angry about how the last three years went?Is it you've prayed the same prayer so many times that saying again feels like humiliation?Or maybe it's that you watched for him to answer for somebody else and not for you, and you've never said out loud how that felt, how that landed.And here's the one I want to leave sitting on you.Whoever taught you that God couldn't handle it?Because it wasn't God that taught that.He wrote a book Full of people who handled him roughly.The psalms are harsh on God and he kept every single word of them.One more who in your life is performing fine right now?And you've known it for a while and you've not asked them about that.You know the name, the person I'm talking about.It came to you before I even finished a sentence.Do me a favor and call them this week.Just tell them you're thinking about them.And here's the truth unveiled for today.Lamenting is not cracking your faith.It is your faith.It's your faith talking because you still believe somebody is on the other end of the line.God inspired a whole hymnbook full of complaints and preserved the psalm that ends in the dark so that no honest sufferer would ever have to leave the room to be honest.Friend, you don't have to lie to God to worship him anymore.Now I want to talk to somebody who's wandered in here without much church background.You might be saying, ralph, I'm not really cool with this church stuff.Dude.I've never been in this.You might be questioning.Wait a minute.But here's how much I want to tell you.The God of the Bible can handle the truth and he can handle in the worst possible ways because he is the God who came down to us.Jesus Christ, the Son of God.I talked about this earlier.He hung on a cross in the dark, praying a complaint.Why have you forsaken me?He was forsaken so that you will never be forsaken.He carried everything you have done and hidden.And three days later, he walked out of the grave in victory.Friend, you don't have to clean up first.And none of this is earned.It's a free gift from God.And you can pray something like this right now from wherever you are.I'm going to encourage you to pray with me if God is moving you.God, I don't know how to do this.I've been carrying things my entire life that I've never said out loud to you or to any other person.But right now, I truly believe that Jesus is your son.And I believe he died for what I have done and that he is alive today.I'm not fine without you, Lord, but I'm done pretending.I want you from this point forward.I give you my life, Lord.Take me as I actually am and save me.Amen, friend.If you prayed that, I want you to tell just one person this week.Just tell them about the decision you made.Reach out to us.You can go to truthunveiledwithralph.com decision.I would love to talk to you one on one.That is the greatest gift that you will ever give me is to come back to me and say, hey, Ralph, I heard what you talked about.I made a decision.Or maybe you made that decision years ago and you just feel like this is growing your faith.Some reach out to me.I would love to hear from you.Find a church where people are allowed to be honest.There's three things I want to go do.Give in your hands before you go.Number one.The Psalms gave you the words.Use them.If you can't pray in your own voice this week, pray in David's voice.Open up the book of psalms.Read Psalm 13 and read it out loud like he wrote it.How long, O lord?Say it four times because he wrote it four times.Second thing, Psalm 88 is in your Bible.Go check it out.And God's not embarrassed by it.If your season has verse, if you haven't reached season verse 5 yet, you're still in the book.He's coming back into mourning like Heman did.Number three.Thing we all know, these persons, these people, somebody near you is performing fine.They're not fine.Go find that person.Don't bring them a verse.Bring a chair with them.Sit down alongside of them and tell them that you're there for them.Now, the thing that holds all of this up, I want to go to Psalm 34:18.It says, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.Notice what it says there.Near.Not impressed, not waiting.Near.And when you can't get a single word out of your mouth, hear this one.This is from Romans 8:26.We talked about this last week.It says, likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know what to pray for as we ought.But the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.If right now the best you can muster are groanings too deep for words, and you might be in that pit right now, I really believe I'm speaking to somebody right now.Who's in that pit, friend, God made a provision for the prayer that you can't even say.And he's not waiting on your own vocabulary.He's already given you the spirit to do that.How about we crows in prayer right now?Father, we come before you today with that open folder that opens all of us have in our lives, and I pray for the one who's been saying fine for so long.For too long, Lord.And they've forgotten what true the answer is.I just ask right now that you would loosen their tongue, Lord, give them one honest sentence to speak out loud today.And let the sky not fall when they think it's going to fall.We know it's not going to fall, Lord.And I pray for the one in Psalm 88 right now, the one with no verse five, that one who's quit expecting the phone to ring.Lord, we know you didn't delete the psalm and you've also not deleted them.I just ask right now, Lord, that you would meet them in the dark.And even if they can't feel you, Lord, hold them there anyway.And I pray for the angry one.I pray for that one that's carrying a grievance against you for years, but he's never yet said it to your face because they were afraid it would be the end of them.Father, let them find out today that you're not some fragile God.Let them say it to you.Take it, Lord, and keep them.And I pray for the fixers, yes, I pray for myself because that's me, Lord, and the others that are out there like me.Slow us down, Lord.Take the plan out of our hands and put it on the shelf and teach us to sit on the ground for seven days without explaining anything to anybody.And Lord, right now I pray for the marriage where two good people have been protecting each other into loneliness.Just give them each one true sentence tonight across that kitchen and give the one who hears it the strength to just listen.And Lord, let our children learn from us that you can be told the truth.And Lord, for that one who is farther down than anybody knows and who has started to think about not being here anymore, I just ask that you would put a person in front of them right now, today, Lord, and give them courage to finally say out loud how they're feeling.And let them find that being helped is not a failure of faith.Lord, your word says you're near to the brokenhearted.You said it, so it's true, whether we feel it or not.And we trust your steadfast love, Lord, not our own steadiness, yours.And we ask this in the beautiful name of Jesus Christ, Amen.I told you today was going to be a little different.It was emotional for me today.I just want to thank you for being here today.And if this one hits something in you, it's hit me.There's a couple people that I want to call right now.I want you to do the same thing and send it to the person you thought of during that exhortation.At that time when we talked about somebody, don't add a message telling them what to do with it, just send it to them.Just let them decide.And if you've not subscribed to the channel yet, do that so the next one finds you.Here's what I want you carrying out of here today, friend.You don't have to lie to God to worship Him.He wrote the complaints down and he kept the psalms that end in the dark and yes, he is near to the brokenhearted.I'm Ralph Estep Jr. And this has been Truth Unveiled.May God bless you and I encourage you today, go tell God the truth.He can handle it and he wants to hear it.I'll see you next week.Your word remains when the world falls apart I stand firm Though the culture shifts like sand.Your truth, O Lord, is where I choose to stand.Truth unveiled.Truth unveiled.