The New Year Idol: Better Me vs Abide in Me
January rolls around, and suddenly everyone’s acting like a life coach, right? We’re all caught up in the “new year, new me” vibe—but let me pause us for a second. What if that mindset is actually a sneaky way of worshipping our own control? In The New Year Idol: Better Me vs Abide in Me, I want to challenge the idea that if we just fix ourselves enough, hustle harder, or optimize one more habit, we’ll finally find peace. Here’s the truth I keep coming back to: it’s not about becoming a better version of yourself—it’s about receiving a brand-new heart from Jesus. I see how easily self-improvement can turn into an idol, putting pressure on us to perform instead of inviting us to rest. So let’s get real together. Let’s talk about laying down the striving, releasing the need to have it all together, and discovering how real transformation doesn’t come from effort, but from surrender. If you’re tired of chasing “better,” come sit with me and let’s find that solid ground in abiding instead.
Check out the full podcast episode here
January rolls around, and suddenly the world’s all about preaching self-improvement like it’s gospel truth. Everyone’s out there pushing their “new year, new me” mantra, drumming up motivation like it’s a life-or-death situation. Let me be real with you—beneath all that shiny hype is a ton of pressure. We’re told that if we just crush our resolutions, we’ll finally feel good enough. Here’s the kicker: that’s not just a plan to get fit or organized—it’s practically building an altar to our own self-control. We start thinking we can fix ourselves, climb the ladder of success, and somehow earn our peace. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work like that. Instead of hustling harder to prove our worth, I’ve realized we need to flip the script. The real change doesn’t come from trying to be “better”—it comes from surrendering to something way bigger than our to-do lists. Jesus isn’t here to make us a better version of ourselves; He’s here to give us a whole new heart and a fresh perspective on life. So, grab a seat with me, and let’s unpack this together—because true transformation starts when we stop striving and start abiding.
Takeaways:
- Every January, folks start preaching about self-improvement like it's a religion, right?
- We often confuse self-help with real spiritual growth, thinking we can fix ourselves.
- Goals can be cool, but when they take over our lives, they become idols.
- Jesus offers us something way better than self-help: a new heart and true peace.
- It's super easy to get caught up in hustle culture, forgetting to just be present.
- Real change comes from surrendering to Jesus, not from trying harder on our own.
Links referenced in this episode:
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00:00 - Untitled
00:31 - Untitled
00:38 - The Preacher of Reinvention
02:12 - The New Year Idol: A Call to True Surrender
08:09 - The Importance of Pruning in Spiritual Growth
15:08 - The Invitation to Rest
19:05 - Prayer
19:27 - A Journey of Surrender and Transformation
Every January, the world becomes a preacher. Now, this isn't a preacher of Jesus. It's a preacher of you. Think about it for a second. It preaches the better you, the new you, the reinvented you.And it's everywhere we look. It's in our planners, it's in our programs, it's in the apps we use. Those challenges we put ourselves into, the streaks, we start thinking about.We start using terms like start over or do it right this time, or maybe this one. Become the person you are meant to be and listen.Some of that sounds wise, but if we're being honest, there's something underneath of it, something that's much heavier. It's not just motivation. It's actually salvation language. If I can fix me, I'll finally feel peace. If I can get disciplined, I finally feel safe.If I can get consistent, I'll finally feel worthy. And I want to say this gently. That's not just a plan. That's an altar. Because the new year doesn't only offer a calendar. It offers us a God.A God named control, a God named performance, a God named better me. And it's subtle because it doesn't look like rebellion on its face. It looks like responsibility. It looks like, I'm trying over here.But sometimes self improvement becomes a substitute for surrender. And the New Year Idol is still an idol, even if it's wearing a suit and tie. So today we're going to talk about it.Now, we're not talking about it to shame anybody. We're doing it to free you. Because Jesus didn't come to make you a better version of the same old heart. He came to give you a new heart.And there's a difference. A big difference, Is where I choose to stand. Truth Unveiled. Truth Unveiled. Hey, friend. Welcome to Truth Unveiled.I'm Ralph Estep Jr. And every week on this show, we pull the curtain back on the lies that sound normal, and we bring them into the light of God's truth. Not the trendy truth, not that Internet wisdom we all see and hear all the time. Truth that holds up when life gets heavy.Truth that holds up when your plans fall apart. Truth that holds up when you're tired of trying to be enough.And if you're listening right now and you feel that familiar pressure, I've got to fix me. I've got to get it together. I've got to do better this year.I want you to stay with me right now because I believe the Holy Spirit can shift something in your heart today, not just Your habits, but in your heart. So let's start off by naming the tension. Self improvement isn't always wrong. Discipline isn't evil. Goals can be wise. But here's the problem.Goals make a great servant and a terrible God. Here's the text. When you think about the new year, what do you feel first? Seriously answer this question right now.When you think about the new year, what do you feel first? Do you feel excited? Or like so many of us, do you feel anxious? Maybe you feel hopeful? Or like many of us, you feel desperate?And to be honest with yourself, is your hope rooted in Jesus? Or is it rooted in the plan you wrote on paper last night before midnight? Some of us, we really don't want a new year. We want a new identity.Because deep down, we're sick of disappointing ourselves. So we do as humans do. We start building ladders. So many ladders. A ladder of habits, a ladder of routines. A ladder of this time. I finally do this.And that ladder becomes our religion. Because we believe if I climb high enough, I'll finally feel okay. But listen to this. A plan can't forgive you, a routine can't cleanse your soul.A streak can't heal your shame. And a vision board can't resurrect what's dead inside of you. And yet we keep going back to it. Because control feels safer than surrender does.And performance feels easier than intimacy. Because intimacy requires honesty. And honesty is where most people don't want to go anymore.So we trade presence for productivity, and we call it maturity. We trade abiding for achieving, and we call that growth. But inside, deep inside, we're still empty. We're still anxious. We're still afraid.We're still trying to be our own savior. Friend, if that's you today, you are not alone. And you're not hopeless. You're just standing at the same crossroads we all stand at.Will I worship Jesus this year? Or will I worship the version of me I'm trying to create? So let's go right to the words of Jesus. Look at John 15. Now, this is not self help.This is soul help. Jesus uses a picture. He uses a picture of a vine. Branches and fruit. He says this in John 15. One, I am the true vine.And then he says, the Father is the gardener, which means God is not absent from your growth. He's present. He's intentional. He's involved. Then Jesus talks about the branches, branches that don't bear fruit and branches that do bear fruit.And the branches that bear fruit, he prunes them. Not because he hates them, because he loves them enough to make them fruitful. And then Jesus says the word that is the whole message today.He says this in John 15, 4, remain in me. Remain, abide, stay connected, not visit, not swing by, not check in once a week. Like that, friend, you see? Once a week, remain.And then Jesus says this sentence that destroys the New Year idol. He says, and this is John 15, 5, I am the vine, you are the branches. Friend, you are not the vine. You were never meant to be the source.You were never meant to supply your own life. And Jesus says something else. It feels almost offensive to pride. He says this In John again, 15, five, apart from me, you can do nothing.Now, that doesn't mean that you can't do activity. You can do activity. Yes, you can hustle, you can build, you can perform. And yes, you can impress people.But you can't produce lasting spiritual fruit without connection to Jesus. Yes, you can produce motion, but not a life. So while the world today screams, try harder. Jesus whispers, come closer.Well, let's talk about pruning, because pruning is the part we don't put on our vision boards, do we? Nobody writes New Year's goal. Let God cut things off. But pruning is mercy. Pruning is not punishment.Pruning is God saying, I'm going to remove what is draining you today. I'm going to remove what is distracting you. I'm going to remove what is competing with me, not to string your life, but to strengthen it.See, sometimes God prunes a relationship that keeps you anxious. Sometimes God prunes a habit that keeps you numb. Sometimes he prunes a pace that keeps you shallow.And sometimes he prunes a version of you that looks impressive but is starving inside. And January hates pruning. January is all about add. Think about it for a second.Add some goals, add some pressure, add some hustle, add some achievement. But Jesus is after the fruit. And fruit often requires subtraction because idols are sneaky. They don't show up as obvious evil for so many of us.They show up as good intentions. So here are the signs. The New Year's idol is working you. Here's sign number one. You feel more hope after making a plan than after a prayer.Think about that for a second. Do you feel more hope after making a plan than a prayer? That's sign number one. Here's sign number two.You feel safe when you're consistent, but panicked when you're not. You feel safe when you're consistent but panicked when you're not. And sign three.You talk about goals constantly, but you haven't talked to God honestly in a while. You talk about those goals. Everybody hears about your goals. But you haven't talked to God and shared them with him in a long while.Here's sign number four. When you fail, you don't run to Jesus. You punish yourself. You spiral. You condemn yourself. You call yourself names. You say, oh, here we go again.And, friend, Jesus doesn't lead with shame. Jesus leads with invitation. Come to me. Jesus leads with grace. Here's sign number five. You measure your worth with numbers.We're all so much guilty of this scale numbers. What do I weigh this year? Bank numbers. What's in my bank account? Follower numbers. For us in the creative room. How many followers do we have?And productivity numbers. What have we accomplished? And when that number is up, well, you feel peace, don't you?But when that number is down, no matter what it is, you feel shame. And that's not just a habit. That right there is worship. And I know what some of you are thinking right now.Ralph, Are you saying I shouldn't have goals? Not at all. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, goals are not your savior. Goals are not your identity, and goals are not your peace.Jesus is. Now, let's go to Romans 12. Because Paul tells us how real change happens. He calls us to surrender our whole lives to God.Not to prove ourselves, but in response to mercy. And then Paul gives us the pattern. Not conforming, not copying the world, not being discipled by culture. And here's a line I want you to hear.This is from Romans 12. 2. Be transformed by. By the renewing of your mind. Transformed. Not managed, not missed, not rebranded, transformed. And notice where it starts.It starts in the mind, which means your thinking changes before your living changes, your worship changes before your habits change, and your identity changes, before your behavior changes, changes. But January says something different, doesn't it? It says, reinvent yourself. The Gospel says, be renewed. January says, prove yourself.The Gospel says, present yourself not as a trophy, as an offering. Well, now, let's talk about fruit. We started talking about that at the beginning because some of you here abide.And you think, oh, so does it mean I don't do anything? No. Abiding produces fruit. But fruit is different than trophies. Trophies say, look what I achieved. Fruit says, look what God is growing in me.See, Paul describes this in Galatians. He calls it fruit, not pressure results, not hustle rewards, just fruit. And he begins with this phrase, this is Galatians 5:22.The fruit of the spirit is love. And then he describes a spirit grown life. And these are the words he uses.Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control and friend. That last one matters. Self control, yes. Not as a God, not as a savior. Self control as fruit, as something that grows when you remain connected.If you want real change, don't start by gripping harder, start by staying closer. Let's get practical. There is a healthy discipline, and there's also an enslaving discipline.There is holy routine and there is worship of self routine. Here's the difference. Discipline without Jesus says, I'm doing this to become acceptable.But discipline with Jesus says, I'm doing this because I am accepted. See, one is earning, the other is responding. One is fear driven, the other is love driven.One says, God will love me when I finally get it all together. And the other says, God loves me so I can face what's broken without hiding anymore. Here's the line I want you to remember.Self improvement makes a promise, it can't keep. It promises if you become better, you'll become whole. Only Jesus makes you whole. Only Jesus forgives sin. Only Jesus removes shame.Only Jesus gives new life. So now I want to slow down because I think some of you are carrying a weight you don't talk about.And that's the weight of I have to become better to be okay. And you're exhausted. But listen to Jesus. This is right from Matthew 11:28. Come to me and I will give you rest. Rest not another ladder.Rest not another performance plan. Rest not another year of self salvation. Jesus invites the tired. Jesus invites the anxious.He invites the heavy laden, the ones who are done pretending. And he doesn't say, come when you're fixed. He says, come and friend, for so many of us, rest is scary when you've lived on control.Because rest feels like trust. Rest feels like surrender. Rest feels like admitting I'm not God. And that's where healing actually begins.Let's make this real, not complicated, not performative. Simple. Here are three rhythms for the next seven days. I want you to think about rhythm number one.The first five minutes before the phone, before the noise. I just want you to sit and breathe and say, jesus, I'm here. That's it. Just Jesus, I'm here. Here's rhythm 2. One verse all week. John 15:5.Say this daily. Apart from me, you can do Nothing. Again, John 15:5. Apart from me, you can do nothing. Let it humble you. Let it free you.Let it remind you you don't have to be the vine. And here's rhythm number three. One surrender. Question I want you to ask once a day. What am I trying to control today that I need to trust God with?I'll give you that again because it's so very critical. What am I trying to control today that I need to trust God with? And once you find that, release it.Not perfectly, but honestly, this is not some checklist to impress God. This is a pathway to stay connected, to abide, to remain.Now, here's the moment, because you can hear this and still go back to the old altar tomorrow. So when I ask you a simple question. Who have you been trusting to save you right now? Answer that question. Who have you been trusting to save you?Has it been your plan? Has it been that discipline? Has it been that consistency? Or maybe your ability to finally get it right? Or has it been Jesus?Because if you keep trusting better me to save you, you're going to keep living like a branch, trying to be the vine, and you're going to stay tired and you're going to stay anxious. And unfortunately, you're going to stay stuck in the cycle of I'm trying, I'm failing, I'm ashamed, I'm trying again.But Jesus offers you a better way. Abide, remain, come close. Let him be the source, Let him be the Savior, and let him be the King. Rand, I don't know your story, but God does.And I believe some of you listening right now. You've been living as your own savior for most of your lives.And maybe you know the church, maybe you know religious language, but your heart is still running on performance and you're tired. Here's the good news. Jesus is not waiting for you to get better before he receives you. He receives you so he can make you new.And if you're ready, if you're ready to stop pretending, if you're ready to stop performing, if you're ready to stop earning what only can be given, you can come to him right now. Not when the year is perfect, not when you clean it up right now. So if you're ready to surrender your life to Jesus, pray this with me right now.Jesus, I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to fix myself. I'm tired of carrying the weight of being my own savior, Lord.And I confess to you right now, I have trusted my plans more than I've trusted you, Lord. I've worshiped control. I've chased a better me to quiet my Fear and quiet my shame. But today, right now, Lord, I'm coming home.Jesus, I believe you are the son of God. I believe you died for my sin. And I believe you rose again to give me new life, Lord. So right now, I ask you to forgive me, Lord. Cleanse me.Make me new. I surrender it to you. Be my savior. Be my Lord. Teach me to abide, Lord. Teach me to remain in you when I'm strong and when I'm weak.Fill me with your spirit, Lord. Change me from the inside out. I don't just want a new year. I want a new heart. And I receive that gift right now by faith in Jesus name. Amen.Friend, if you just prayed that, I want you to hear me clearly. That was not some moment. That was a miracle. You didn't just turn a page. You surrendered your life. And heaven celebrates that. I'm serious.If you felt tears or if you felt relief or even some fear, that doesn't mean it wasn't real. It means something holy just happened in your life. And I also want to tell you this. You don't have to walk this out alone anymore.Because the enemy loves isolation. He loves the wister. Hey, that didn't count. Oh, you won't keep up with that. You're gonna mess that up right away. But that's not the voice of Jesus.Jesus will never leave you and save you and then leave you. He stays. He strengthens. He builds you. Day by day, step by step, moment by moment. So here's what I want to invite you into.I want to invite you into a place of encouragement, a place for reminders. A place where you can grow without performing. A place where you can be honest without being judged.And that's why I've taken the time to build the community we've built. Because decisions need discipleship and new faith needs support. If you're ready for that, I want to encourage you.Right now, go over to our site at truthunveiledwithRalph.com/join. That's truthunveiledwithralph.com join. And when you join, it's not going to cost you anything.You're going to find people who are learning to abide just like you. People who have grown tired of that self salvation. People who want Jesus more than a better version of themselves.And yes, you're going to get encouragement. You're going to get scripture. You're going to get practical next steps.And a reminder, you need to keep going on a random Tuesday when the feelings fade and you're tempted to go back to that old order. Friend, I'm so proud of you. And more importantly than that, God is not disappointed in you. God is welcoming you with open arms. So come in.Go to truthunveiledwithRalph.com/join and let's keep walking this together. Let's pray together.Father, for the one listening right now who feels that pressure of January, I ask you to break the power of performance, break that voice of condemnation, break the lie that I have to earn love. Lord, teach them to abide, teach them to remain. Let their life be connected to Jesus like a branch to a vine.And let that fruit grow not from striving, but from surrender. Lord, I ask that you would give them peace that doesn't depend on how well they're doing.Give them rest that doesn't depend on those perfect routines, Lord, and give them joy that doesn't expire when the motivation fades. And as they step into this year, let them walk with you, not ahead of you, not without you, but with you in communion together.We ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Friend, I just want to thank you for spending this time with me.And if today's message helped you breathe again, if it helped you see what culture has been selling you, and it helped you to come back to the quiet strength of Jesus, I want to ask you to do something right now. I want you to think of one person, just one person.Somebody that you love who you know feels worn out, someone who feels pressure to perform, someone who is tired of the noise and someone who is trying to be okay in a world that keeps demanding more. That person came to mind. Would you share this episode with them?All you gotta do is send it in a text, drop it in a message, post it on your Facebook page. Not to argue with culture, but to actually offer hope. Because a lot of people are silently drowning in the expectations of this world.And they don't need another opinion. They just need truth. They just need peace. And in the end, they just need Jesus.And friend, if you need encouragement too, if you want a place to keep growing without performing, to stay grounded while culture keeps shifting, I want to invite you again to our community. Go to truthunveiledwithralph. Com. Join again. That's truthunveiledwithralph. Com. Join. I would love to see you all over there. You're not alone.This is Truth Unveiled, and I'll see you next week. God bless you, my friend.
